Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
