i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
