Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
