U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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