I seem to have left my pride at pride
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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