were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
