I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
