he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
