I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
