We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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