Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
