I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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