i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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