ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
