It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
