Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
