what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
