Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
