happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
