How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
