So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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