Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
