Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
