I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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