don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
