we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
