I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
