I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
