you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
