Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
