I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
