No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
