pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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