Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
