I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
