Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
