You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
