Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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