I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
