last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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