All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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