guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
