just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
