He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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