Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
