theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
