it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
