Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
