I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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