Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
