goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
