Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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