If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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