I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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