i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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