3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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