you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize