Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
