You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
