Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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