This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
COCAINE IS GR8
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
