I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
