so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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