Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
