oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
