if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
