You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
