woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
