she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
