i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The best revenge is premature balding
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
