If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
